| I eat cow brains! |
[25 Apr 2005|12:39am] |
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mood |
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Black Jewels Trilogy. Whoo! Sooooooooooooooo, did everyone get their healthy dose of ANGST in my last post? Well, I've been keeping busy so as to not have to dwell on such matters. Like leaving the bank to become a telemarketer, the bane of society! Rather sad that a bank could not offer near the benefits of a telemarketing company. Which is the only reason I took the job. Mesaw needs money like a slot machine. Horrible analogies rock my world. >.< Anywho, aside from the lack of relationship success and sucky jobs, life has been mainly sustained by Kye. Yes Kye. My best friend's fiance is currently the only thing keeping me going. That and my meager ambitions. Keh! And, as an added bonus, he's moving away in August. All because Bridgette's being freakishly pig-headed in getting her butt back to Texas. So, to appease the perturbed object of his affection, Kye is going to her. So once again I lose a close friend to the cruelties of geography. After this happening four times in not even two years, you'd think I'd be used to it. The only close person who's ever moved here to be close to me didn't even do it for that reason. Doesn't matter anyway cause they don't speak to me anymore. Any other 'friends' that I have are usually too caught up in the crap they're doing to give me the time of day. Perhaps I'm feeling sorry for myself. But lonely frustration like this just makes you want to rant to something. In this case, people on my buddies list who aren't gonna read it anyway because I hardly ever post. Bleh. Fook and bleh.
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| Someone shoot me.......no really. |
[28 Jan 2005|12:40pm] |
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This pain I feel.
Why do I let it affect me so?
Is he really so ignorant?
So blind to my obvious suffering....
Or have I lost him to the apathy consuming our society like a hoard of flesh-eating undead?
Even in these times of anguish some sick side of me can make jokes.
All I can do is hope that aspect of me is not lost as well.
Along with everything else I've allowed to be stolen.
My ability to find amusement in ther most dire situations helps me function every minute of every day.
With out it I fear I may shut down.
Become a sorry shell of my former self; bitter and a slave to sorrow.
Does he realize my thought process dwells in such morbid ponderings?
Contemplating my own demise has become a frequent occurance.
The happiness I began to believe might rekindle has burnt out after a little more than sparks.
"Happiness. Beautiful happiness. So rare. So lovely.....but5 as with all things that start, it, inevitably, ends! The beginning is always so fine. But decay soon follows. A degeneration into the tired old situation. The rot sets in."
In my disregarded opinion, truer words were never spoken.
At this particular moment I wish I could fade away.
Disappear until nothing remains.
Not me.
Not him.
Not my broken, bleeding heart.
Nothing.
It would be better.....
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| I hate my life. |
[06 Jan 2005|03:23pm] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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After reading my last post, I've decided two things. I really need to update more and I will never be that lovey dovey again. In fact I believe I shall become very bitter and pessimistic. That way there's no way to feel any lower. As nice as it would've been to stay that happy in a relationship, it turned out to be a lovely, but ultimately painful, illusion. One of those that makes you wonder why you even bother. True happiness will forever elude your possession. Because it would be too easy the other way. God loves you, but life sure doesn't. It too often screws you over when you'd previously been so high. I blame myself. In the words of Alice, "I give myself very good advice....but I very seldom follow it. Maybe that explains the trouble that I'm always in." Whoever wrote the song 'Love hurts' wasn't just whistling dixie. Enough with my self-pity, its making it worse. I will proceed to go drown my thoughts in fantasy and attempt to ignore my pain completely. Just like my therapist told me. -_-
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| Yaysies!!! |
[30 Apr 2004|01:48pm] |
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 excited |
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SQUEENESS! Its Friday, which means Brent gets to come in for the weekend. *dansu dansu* Plus we're gonna go see Godsend tonight. I hope its scary. So hard to find good scary movies anymore. Yesterday was actually pretty fun. After standing around in store for a few hours it seemed apparant we weren't really needed all that much. So the rest of the day we goofed off around the park, helping Reggie at Wax Hands and riding coasters. After the park closed we met up with one of the security guards, Bert, and headed to Panchos. Unfortunately, I hate mexican food and ended up ordering a cheesburger that tasted like cardboard. Yuck. I starterd feeling sick after that so Devon took me home. But before we left we got these cool little glow-stick mouth guards. They were neato. Anyway, Jason and Bobby both called wanting to hang out so I had Jason pick me up and we headed over to Bobby's new apartment. That got boring real fast b/c the tv was gone and there was too much smoking and drinking for my taste. Jessi-chan asked me to spend the night at her house and I figured that'd be fun....so I did. We watched adult swim with her friend Shane and then fell asleep watching The Dark Chrystal. My wake up call came in the form of a lovely curious cockroach crawling on my face. Needless to say, I spazzed a bit. *shudders* Anywho, I attended my first college class with Jessi earlier this morning before watching some amv's and getting dropped off here. So now I'm counting down the hours until B-chan gets in town. Every week I miss him more and more. I think this relationship thing might work out for once. Wow, it'll be great if this lasts. =^.^=
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| I'm a banana! XD |
[28 Apr 2004|01:29pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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The last couple days have been boring for the most part. Worked a whole three hour shift at Victoria's Secret on Monday. Whoopdeefriggindoo. On other news Brent and I have been getting closer and closer. In the past when I've started to get close to a person on a romantic level I withdraw in my shell and distance myself from them; ultimately destroying the relationship altogether. For the first time in my nearly 19 years of living, I have no urge to do that whatsoever. If anything I want to continue to become closer to him. He recently mentioned wanting to say something in his LJ and I think I know what it is. What's even weirder is I think I might feel the same way. I don't want to jinx myself, but I feel like I really might. ^-^ And that's one of the best things I've ever experienced. =^.^=
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| Raaaar! |
[26 Apr 2004|05:30pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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Busy busy weekend. Not too much sleep. -_- And now I'm working my 4th job at Ashley Photo located in Six Flags. My buddy Devon is my boss, and a sweetheart to boot. She introduced me to the rest of the staff and we all hit it off pretty well. I think I'm gonna like it there a lot. Seemed like fun. Got soe good hours in at illuminArt too so I'm looking forward to a neato paycheck. ^-^ Brent was able to come in a day early b/c he had no school Friday. YAYSIES! *pantsu dansu* Whenever I was not working this weekend we hung out together and did the whole cuddle thing. ^-~ WE GOT TO PLAY NARUTO! Scott finally got the import gamecube game. Brent and I got owned by Scott and Cliff most of the time......well...>.>....mostly I did. But we'd never played before and they were practically experts so it wasn't a fair fight. -_-' But yeah, so that was fun. We watched Finding Nemo and Cat's Don't Dance b/c Brent hadn't seen them yet. But after they were over he had to go home. T-T He was almost late to his job b/c we didn't want to let go. Sadness....But later that night we got to talk so it wasn't too bad. Of course the whole missing each other happened again. Stupid long week preventing me from seeing my baby.....*sob* I hate school. It is the devil. Anywho, enough ranting until next time. Sayonara minna-san!!=^.^=
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| Grrrr and argghh |
[21 Apr 2004|01:34am] |
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mood |
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Nothing worth mentioning except chatting with Brent and Mousie-chan. However, i did finally buy Kill Bill.*dansu dansu* Brent and I are officially together so....very yay there! I'm trying to last til this weekend so I can see him....stupid college in Durant. *grumbles* Ah well, if blushing won't kill me neither will waiting.
^-~ And off I go to do chores before I crash.
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| I am up......rejoice. |
[19 Apr 2004|12:56pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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Good weeekend!!! Honto ni!! Brent came in on Friday and we went to see Kill Bill 2 with Scott and his girlfriend. Twas much fun. Afterwards we headed over to Scott's to watch the first Kill Bill.....and ended up going to Whataburger to get taquitos. Not long after Brent had to take me home b/c i had to be up early the next morning. The next day Mina and I went to Six Flags with her family b/c her dad's company was having a picnic thingie. Mina and I split up with them and raced towards all the best rides as fast as we could....our legs payed for it the next day. -_- But after rode about six coasters, we headed over to the picnic grounds for lunch. They had charicature and tatto people there that gave us free piccies and tattoos. The artist even did furry version of us and we ended up finding out he was a fellow otaku. It's a small world after all. But yeah, finished up with that, rode one more thing and just wlaked and talked the rest of the time. B/c I was there with the company i was able to get a season pass for only $30. ^-~ That was awesomely. We shortly thereafter after stocking up on sugary goodness. Her dad allowed me to spend the night despite the fact that she was grounded at the time. However Brent was still in town so he came and picked me up for a few hours. We got forehead protectors!!!! SQUEE! Anywho, we made a Starbucks run and headed over to his house to watch The Returner, a japanese live-action movie, which turned out to be pretty good. We cuddled bunches and drank our coffee....and later on Slurpies. When the movie was over he took me to get my stuff, got to see my still messy room, and dropped me off at Mina's. I had to poke the Mina awake and we spent the rest of the night talking in hyper yet exhausted stupors listening to music. Sunday was rather dull. I had to leave Mina's fairly early and go home. Brent had left to drive back to Durant the night before so there was nothing to do. T-T Later that day I went to the mall thinking that I had work, found out soon after I was mistaken, and slammed my finger in the car door getting out. Very much ouchies. After I doscovered I did NOT have to work my mom and I picked my brother up from church and dropped him off at the airport to fly back up to Ohio. Ah well, its for the best. Got more Starbucks after that and spent a quiet, if somewhat, boring weekend at home. Owari.
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| Crap, I got behind again....T-T |
[14 Apr 2004|12:58pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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Nothing too eventful in the past two days. Greg, one of my best friend's moved to Cali a day earlier than he was supposed to. So the Monday, the night before, I drove over to his place and helped him pack up the u-haul for a few hours. After that was done we all went to Wendy's for some much deserved food. Said my goodbye's and haven't heard from him yet. Yesterday was rather dull. I mainly just sat around all day for lack of anything better to do. At one point I was able to make a Starbucks run and get a couple things for dinner, and a little while later Chris picked me up and we watched Naruto at his house until 9 o'clock. The rest of the night I sat at my computer talking to Brent and Casey on aim. Of course I had to be off by 2am, my new curfew, so I read Daughter of the Blood until I fell asleep. Two thrilling days in a nutshell. -_-'
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| Just got up. -_- |
[12 Apr 2004|01:39pm] |
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mood |
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Hurray for Lunchables. *munchs* Anywho, Easter weekend was bunches o' fun. All my friends who were out of town got to come in. As did Brent. *happy neko dansu* So we all hung out over at Greg's house the majority of the time since he is leacing wednesday. T-T Me and Brent went over to his house on Saturday after his sister cut his hair and watched Something's Gotta Give. Great movie by the way. Along with the movie his cat Luna shed tufts of fur all over us while she used us as pillows. Later that day we met up with everyone at Greg's and got to see Scott's girlfriend's tazer. ^-^ We eventualy made an appearance at Casey's where some.......interesting stuff happened. *snickers* Casey and Keith and a few other people got reeeaaallly drunk. But mainly Casey and Keith. Oi, those two. If only we'd had that tazer. Then the drama thing ensued. Good thing I had Chris to talk to and Brent to cuddle with. I don't know why, but i don't think the dating thing is going to work out with Casey.*heavy sarcasm* For more reasons than one. But I've got Brent to keep me company so its ok. The next day Chris, Brent, and I met up with Greg at his house so they could do their commentary for Anime Real World. Funny stuff there. Afterwards Brent took me to get much-needed caffeine so we could stay awake for Gothika. Another good movie. After that was over, both of us curled up and took a nap on the couch. Apparantly the caffeine hadn't helped that much. -_-' Not necessarily a bad thing though. Brent had to drive back to Durant later that night so he took me home. I got home before 10pm, its amazing! *blushies* Said goodbye to Brent and headed for the computer and talked to peeps until Brent got home. Fell asleep at some point in the morning and that was that. Purdy good weekend if i do say so myself.
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| Wow! I finally updated! |
[06 Apr 2004|06:34pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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Dear lord, I'm hungry. I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday b/c there is no food in this house. Blarg. Anywho, holding down three jobs right now. They are illuminArt, Hot Topic, and Victoria's Secret. -_-....Unfortunately they each only work me one day a week. Kinda takes the point away from having that many jobs. But I'm soon to be quitting at least two of those to work at Six Flags where my friend will be my manager. So....cool beans there. I'm heading off to see some movie now...don't really know what yet. Ja ne, minna-san! =^.^=
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| *huggles the Foxy**huggles the Gregster* |
[13 Mar 2004|12:38am] |
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Oh, many kudos to Foxy-chan for setting this up for me! And more thanks to Greg for taking the time to explain how to properly use it. Takes a lot of patience I know. But anyway...I HAVE A LJ! WOOT and SQUEE! Now I can further wreak havoc on the ignorant masses! Ohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho..*cough*...um...yes.-_-
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| La Li Ho! |
[03 Mar 2004|03:05am] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
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Testy!!
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